Poltergeist II: When Braces Attack
I'll be straight with you. Poltergeist II stinks. Obviously it pains me to say that as the one of the worlds biggest Poltergeist fanatics but what can one do? Lie? Should I tell you that actually, Poltergeist II contains some of the best writing and acting that I've ever seen in my whole life? That it contains some of the greatest and most convincing special effects known to mankind? That there are no plot holes? That everything makes clear and perfect sense? Of course I can't lie to you! Poltergeist II is horrible. So horrible, that I played Family Feud on my Iphone while watching it.
The Poltergeist II disk I received from Netflix did not play in my laptop (surprise, surprise)
so I was forced to watch it on the big electronic box in the living
room. I admit, using a DVD player was strange at first but then I
remembered how to use it after only a few minutes. It's just like riding
a bike! The one major downside of this was that I could not take
screenshots, which means that this post will not be as nearly as funny
as it should be. And that makes me sad.
Picking
up a year from where the first film ended, Poltergeist II again follows
the Freeling family as they try to move on with their lives.
Apparently, having a near death experience with some spirits, and almost
crossing over, yields some very unexpected side effects. For example,
people's latent psychic powers suddenly come to be realized. People also
age rather quickly over the course of a year. Also in only a years
time, every one somehow managed to receive the worst haircut of their
life.
Shit
is crazy! Anyways, guess what? The spirits are baaack. And so is the
human form of the beast himself, Reverend Kane. So yeah, blah blah blah
bad spirits, blah blah braces attack, blah tequila worm, blah blah saved
by the Grandma?
There's really no way
of getting around the fact that the only reason you should be watching
Poltergeist II is to experience the obscenely grotesque Reverend Kane.
This
guy is terrifying. So terrifying, that he will make you literally pull
your face away from the screen. I swear, if you get close enough, you
can even smell his denture/old person breath. It also doesn't help
things that he talks like some fancy old lady, and looks like a
skeleton. He's always creeping around and singing gross Jesus songs and
wearing that horribly creepy outfit that reminds me of Colonel Sanders.
He peers at you through the screen door and shouts at you when you won't
let him in. He is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
Other
than Reverend Kane, Poltergeist II is not scary in the slightest. Sure,
a few skeletons pop out here and there, and a doll does a creepy thing
where she turns her head slowly but that's about it. Everything else?
Laughable. Also, none of this movie makes any sense. Things just come
flying at you without any warning or logic. Like for example, why are
Carol Anne and Robbie still sleeping in the same bedroom? How is it that
Robbie manages to himself into the most ridiculous situations ever?
Isn't
Carol Anne a little old looking for intimate bathtub time? And P.S.,
what happened at the end there? No seriously, what WAS that? I think I
passed out briefly during it but from what I remember, people were
floating and Carol Anne floated slowly away.....then she came back. Is
that really all the 'otherside' looks like? If it is, I want my money
and my hopes and dreams back.
Anyways, it's really hot outside and the more I think about Poltergeist II the more upset I get. I need an ice bath.
5 comments:
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Mikey Sarago said...
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Poltergeist II is pretty poopy indeed, although I agree about Reverend Kane — even the part about him being smelly!!!
I still don't quite understand how that braces part makes any sense. I remember an old friend of mine had to get braces when she was in high school and she was seriously terrified that her braces were gonna attack her while she slept. So I guess the movie worked for some people, lol.
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lrobhubbard said...
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Fred Phelps is a dead ringer for Reverand Kane.
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Thomas Duke said...
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NOOOO! I'd figure you of all people would find stuff to like about
POLTERGEIST II. Oh well. I like it despite it's faults, and I think
the biggest problem is how much it was cut down. It was cut by 40
minutes (!), and the ending suffers, and also it comes across as "one
thing after another" instead of properly building.
Yeah, the braces stuff is pretty WTF, but it did creep me out as a kid for some reason. To me, the biggest crime is indeed the hair of Craig T and JoBeth. Inexcusable.
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Gary said...
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I enjoyed it then and enjoy it now. I agree about the brace thing but
Reverend Kane is certainly as creepy as it gets. The humor added was
done well as it gave the viewer a remembrance this is all for fun. The
tragedy is part III.
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Edward Fraraccio said...
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The original Poltergeist is my favorite movie of all time and I find Poltergeist II to be a lot of fun for what it is.
Poltergeist: 5/5
Poltergeist II: 4/5
